Posted by Mrs. Phillis Mutoko | 22nd March 2020 | All Articles | Financial Wellness | Financial Independence | Money | Financial Success | Business opportunities in Botswana |
“Women and girls need to make up their minds to do things for themselves, build careers, own businesses – no matter how small; to become financially free and stop getting excited by financial hand-outs from men or from siblings.” – Phillis Mutoko
When I was a teenager, I always appreciated couples that loved each other and lived in peace. But one day I saw an incident that changed my mind set and transformed my financial life. I saw an expectant mother who was traveling with her husband. Everything looked good until the woman asked her husband to buy a small packet of biscuits for her. The packet of biscuits at that time was around 60t. Obviously in my mind I assumed that the husband would quickly buy for her wife the biscuits. After all, what is 60t compared to the love for his beautiful wife? However, the man looked at the woman and screamed: “Why do you always ask for money from me? Do you not see that other women have their own money? You always ask for money, even for tiny things like biscuits. Do you think I own a money tree which produces money for me to give you daily? Please give me space! I am tired of you!”
To say the least, I was so shocked that a man would scream at his wife in public over 60t for biscuits. Really? I committed in my heart from that day that I will work hard, run my own businesses, make my own money, enjoy life before I get married and continue to be financially free in marriage. I committed myself to financial freedom such that in junior school I started buying and selling spices and eggs to make myself financially free. I did not want a situation whereby I get married and I must beg my husband for money to buy biscuits and fresh chips. I committed that before I get married, I should have my own bank accounts and bank cards. Before I get married, I should have tasted every delicious thing that I wanted, lest I married a stingy man who would not want me to enjoy his money. Of course, I expected to get a loving man who would take good care of me (thank God I got the best man in the world who is so loving and caring). Furthermore, financial freedom before marriage meant that when I get married, I would be able to help my husband in supporting the family. I wanted a husband who would allow me to run my own businesses. A husband that would be a responsible man – taking care of the family, while at the same time allowing me to willingly contribute financially to the home.
Another painful story that changed my mind set as a teenager is when I heard that there was a girl called Lesego who was in courtship with a man called John. She dearly loved her fiancé and it seemed that the fiancé also loved her. After six months of courtship, John said to Lesego, “Show me that you love me, and I will marry you. I mean have sex with me and I know you trust me.” Lesego refused to sleep with John before marriage. But under much pressure, she succumbed and slept with John. She fell pregnant; and as usual men refuse their responsibility! Lesego was told by John, “So you thought I could marry an uneducated person like you? Look, I am a university graduate, and you are a high school dropout. I can never marry you! I marry people of my class. Why would I marry a dummy like you? What will I tell my friends when I introduce you?” Lesego was heartbroken. She sobbed and sobbed. Apart from being pregnant for a ‘fool’, she was despised because she was not educated.
Lesego did not want to put her parents in the village under financial pressure. So, she started doing piece-jobs for her to take care of the pregnancy and eventually the baby. She went through a hard time because all along she had been financially dependent on John. After six years from her heartbreak with John, she got married to a caring husband who was the father of one who had similarly been disappointed by a woman that ditched him. They are happily married and share lots in common. Today she is a nurse and she run two pharmacies. I have been eagerly following her story because she learnt the hard way; and decided to learn from her lessons.
I wish you the best for the remainder of 2017.
Coach Princess (Phillis Mutoko) works with Success Training Africa. She is a Financial Wellness Trainer, Motivational Speaker, Business Mentor, Life Coach, Marriage Coach, Change Agent and Author. Coach Princess is passionate about transforming the mind-sets of Africans and building successful businesses and happy homes. Over the past 20 years, she has spoken in many conferences, workshops and seminars in Zimbabwe, South Africa and Botswana. She has spoken in various churches such as Winners Chapel, Leadership Development Interdenominational Church, and Forward in Faith Ministries International. Coach Princess has also spoken for organisations including and not limited to Government departments, Botswana Agricultural Marketing Board, Botswana National Olympics Committee, Mapleton Finance and on Yarona FM. For comments contact Coach Princess on [email protected] or [email protected] WhatsApp: +26775240652.
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